sad-happy birthday

[Sidenote: Some of you who know I'm trying to blog everyday in November may have noticed that I didn't blog yesterday. For the first time this month, I totally and completely forgot about it. That is, until 12:15 AM when I was about to fall asleep and woke Nate up by blurting out, "Oh crap. I forgot to blog today." So that's that...I forgot. And I'm forgiving myself, because my absence was not due to procrastination, avoidance, or perfectionism - the three things I am trying to defeat by blogging every day. I honestly just forgot, and that's okay with me. Plus it was after midnight and technically already my birthday, and everyone deserves a free pass on their birthday. Right?! So that's the scoop, for those who are tuned in. Moving on now.] 

Today is my 29th birthday. The last time I will have a birthday in the 20's. That's cool with me. I've done a lot in my 20's so far and while I may sing a different tune a year from now...I think I'm good with being the age that I am. As a dear friend and co-worker in my parents' generation said to me [lovingly] this morning, "You're still a baby." Indeed. No worries here about being 29.

I'll be really honest and say that the first half of today was hard. Really hard, actually. As in on-the-verge-of-tears-for-several-hours hard. I felt it coming even yesterday, when I thought about what today would look like, and realized that I really didn't have much to look forward to, birthday-wise.

We had made plans to see some much loved cousins and also to babysit two other dear ones in the afternoon, which together would have brought a total of five sweet 3-and-under kiddos into our household. But our whole family got the stomach bug this week, and as we all know, littles and stomach bugs do not mix well. So both plans got the axe. The day was now empty.

And on top of that, if you read my black friday vs. thanksgiving post, you already know that we don't really have any extra spending money right now - not even for birthdays. It's okay, it's just where we're at right now, and I've been emotionally prepared for it all month. And I will gladly trade some birthday shopping for a beautiful house ANY day. But still...I mean, let's be honest: it kind of puts a damper on celebrating when your options are strictly limited to free things. Sure, there's lots of awesome free things you can do, but it's less fun when you have to do them because you have no other options.

So anyway...no plans + no fun money + few friends in a new place = kind of a sad and lonely way to start off a birthday. I had nothing to look forward to, and no girlfriend on the line to get my free Starbucks drink with, even if I wanted to. And so it all kind of hit me when I woke up this morning. There wasn't one specific thing that was making me sad; it was just an overall loneliness and melancholy that felt especially poignant and easily triggered. I was scared my whole day was going to be that way.

Thankfully, Nate in all his wisdom suggested that we both take a nap.

Now I don't think it was tiredness that was making me sad...I think it really was sadness. Legit loneliness and the hard realities of being in a new place. But, the nap did wonders for me.

After 30 minutes of dozing, I got enough of a mental re-set that I was able to rally and reclaim my birthday and make it awesome. I thought about all those fun and crafty house projects I've been wanting to do but haven't had time or motivation for, and decided to tackle as many of them as possible in the hours remaining. If I had to be stuck at home, at least I was going to make use of the time doing something that I knew would be life-giving to me at the end of the day.

So that's what we did with the rest of my birthday (and what Nate is still doing right now as I type) - work on our house, and on making it a beautiful, restful space. Which honestly is the best [free] birthday gift that Nate could ever give me because there's so many projects, most of them actually, which require the both of us. I get the vision, Nate gets out the tools, I give orders, he does the hard work, I do the picky detail work, we both almost swear at each other many times, we both apologize many times, and in the end I'm happy, he's happy I'm happy, and our life together improves just the littlest bit. :)

So at the end of today we've made and hung the first official piece of wall art, decorated our mantle for the first time, started the last phase of our dining room chandelier makeover, and right now I'm listening to Nate's screwdriver in the kitchen while he installs the awesome new cabinet hardware that's been sitting on our counter for a month. And I'm going to bed a happy 29-year-old, who is just starting to enjoy the looks of her house and is planning many fun picture-filled house project blog posts. (That is, if Nate can ever find the charger for our good camera.) All in all, a birthday well spent.